The Empire of Capitalisti is a huge, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ubiquitous missile silos, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 331 million Capitalistians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Stanistan. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.7%.

The powerhouse Capitalistian economy, worth 27.8 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 84,130 dollars, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 507,058 per year while the poor average 6,278, a ratio of 80.8 to 1.

Several inches are being added to first class seating, homeowners on prime real estate have been seen dodging giant bulldozers with cartoon characters painted on them, children gain their first sex education from reading the dictionary, and the nation's new flagship trading company deals exclusively in things no one wants. Crime is a serious problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Capitalisti's national animal is the cow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Capitalisti is ranked 66,754^th in the world and 1,937^th in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 69 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.