The Intelligentsia of Phallas is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by General Secretary with a fair hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, national health service, and soft-spoken computers. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 12.565 billion Phallasians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bönnesberg. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Phallasian economy, worth a remarkable 4,369 trillion Dracmas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 347,715 Dracmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Surveillance cameras are banned, lottery winners spend most of their money on security, ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime is totally unknown. Phallas's national animal is the Fenix Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheism.

Phallas is ranked 552^nd in the world and 8^th in The Communist Bloc for Most Beautiful Environments, with 6,582.1 pounds of wildlife per square mile.