The Unironic Monarchist of Depressive-State is a huge, efficient nation, renowned for its closed borders, avowedly heterosexual populace, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 595 million Depressive-Stateans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of VoxTek Enterprises. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 37.2%.

The thriving Depressive-Statean economy, worth 54.7 trillion Whiskey Bottles a year, is mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 91,941 Whiskey Bottles, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 439,348 per year while the poor average 11,283, a ratio of 38.9 to 1.

Birth announcements often also serve as death announcements, citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles, six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion, and the country is preparing for war. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Depressive-State's national animal is the Anti-Monarchist, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Depressive-State is ranked 253,606^th in the world and 5,783^rd in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 62 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.