The Colonial Empire of Ijonia is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by King Juok II with an iron fist, and notable for its public floggings, enslaved workforce, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.407 billion Ijonins are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ijonanus træsus. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 57.2%.

The all-consuming Ijonese economy, worth 142 trillion Ijonian dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 100,962 Ijonian dollars, with the richest citizens earning 8.6 times as much as the poorest.

There's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day, the government advises foreign diplomats to speak softly and carry a big bag of cash, ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths, and legitimate job descriptions now include "smiling and waving". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ijonia's national animal is the Orko yelur, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Ijonia is ranked 244,923^rd in the world and 4,944^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -137.21 on the Scary Big Number Scale.