The Federal Republic of Tesco Aisle 17 is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its public floggings, infamous sell-swords, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 637 million Tesconians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Education also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Garden City. The average income tax rate is 34.7%.

The all-consuming Tesconian economy, worth 66.9 trillion Meal Deals a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 105,043 Meal Deals, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

The nation's secret service is so secret that nobody knows if it has one, the public are free to vote for whomever the government wants in office, school teachers check the staff room for hidden webcams before complaining about rebellious students, and the government's fruit business reeks of rotting produce and corruption. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tesco Aisle 17's national animal is the Clubcard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Tesco Aisle 17 is ranked 272,965^th in the world and 5,981^st in The North Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 0.52 average smiles per day.