The Empire of Quioni is a huge, cultured nation, ruled by Ponyboy Curtis with an even hand, and remarkable for its aversion to nipples, anti-smoking policies, and triple-decker prams. The compassionate, hard-working population of 779 million Quionians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Armadale. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 63.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Quionian economy, worth 73.5 trillion Dollarias a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 94,288 Dollarias, with the richest citizens earning 6.0 times as much as the poorest.

This year's hottest fashion trend is the Lese Majeste collection, factories place endangered birds in their rafters in pursuit of government protections, the new 'Who Wants To Be A Politician' election debate auditions are more popular than the debates themselves, and Ponyboy Curtis has just been declared ruler of Quioni in an international press conference. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Quioni's national animal is the Knightus, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Quioni is ranked 36,375^th in the world and 1,259^th in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 77 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.