The United Socialist States of Kholdan is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Zghuk Whitescull with an even hand, and renowned for its triple-decker prams, punitive income tax rates, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 25.524 billion Kholdanians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, with Defense, Welfare, and Industry also on the agenda, while Administration is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kholdan City. The average income tax rate is 84.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Kholdanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,551 trillion Marks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 99,982 Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Zghuk Whitescull's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week, the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP, park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets, and military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kholdan's national animal is the Osprey, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Gallifreyan mysticism.

Kholdan is ranked 38,355^th in the world and 945^th in the South Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 17.69 average smiles per day.