The Grand Falconer of Europe of The New Nordic Union is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by the Executive Council of the Union with a fair hand, and remarkable for its lack of airports, state-planned economy, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 16.997 billion Northerners are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Keypmannahavn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Nordic economy, worth a remarkable 3,974 trillion Krónas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 233,832 Krónas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The New Nordic Union recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, they who do not work shall not eat, bins outnumber trees in city parks, and The Executive Council of the Union is emphatic that The New Nordic Union's HDI is much higher than it seems (The New Nordic Union has found 5 easter eggs). Crime is totally unknown. The New Nordic Union's national animal is the Goshawk, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

The New Nordic Union is ranked 285,258^th in the world and 1,344^th in Europe for Most Primitive, scoring -437.01 on the Scary Big Number Scale.