The Republic of Saarenmaa is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Madis Kallas with a fair hand, and renowned for its daily referendums, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 1.317 billion Saarenmaans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nosturi. The average income tax rate is 78.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Saarenmaan economy, worth 149 trillion Euros a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Cheese Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 113,395 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The slowest students feel vaguely targeted by their Mendelian Inheritance coursework, the nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents, cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high, and students do more community service than homework. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Saarenmaa's national animal is the Seal, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Saarenmaa is ranked 262,436^th in the world and 1,063^rd in Europe for Most Primitive, scoring -199.61 on the Scary Big Number Scale.