The Republic of Caeliloquus is a massive, genial nation, ruled by the consuls with a fair hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 1.161 billion Caeliloquis are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Healthcare, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Caelilopolis. The average income tax rate is 47.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Caeliloqui economy, worth 79.9 trillion aureuses a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 68,855 aureuses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Private law firms are unheard of, prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes, The consuls steals from the rich and gives to the needy, and Caeliloqui farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic. Crime is totally unknown. Caeliloquus's national animal is the aquila, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Caeliloquus is ranked 244,467^th in the world and 4,920^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -137.28 on the Scary Big Number Scale.