The United States of The New Oceanic States is a very large, efficient nation, renowned for its museums and concert halls, barren, inhospitable landscape, and otherworldly petting zoo. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 174 million New Oceanic Statesians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The medium-sized, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 24.4%.

The frighteningly efficient New Oceanic Statesian economy, worth 14.3 trillion Oceanic dollars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Soda Sales, and Gambling. Average income is 82,108 Oceanic dollars, with the richest citizens earning 8.0 times as much as the poorest.

Kindergarten teachers with ankle-bracelets are closely supervised by their parole officers, copyright laws have been abolished, the nation's most "productive" diamond mine hasn't been operational for seven months, and the eagles of The New Oceanic States are surprisingly well-adjusted. Crime is relatively low. The New Oceanic States's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

The New Oceanic States is ranked 241,619^th in the world and 4,868^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -129.73 on the Scary Big Number Scale.