The Holy Republic of North Bratislava is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Old Saxophone Joe with a fair hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, zero percent divorce rate, and aversion to nipples. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 15.919 billion North Bratislavans love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dinkytown. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient North Bratislavan economy, worth a remarkable 3,367 trillion pounds a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 211,516 pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There is something rotten in the state of North Bratislava, aeroplane cockpits no longer have altimeters or airspeed indicators, the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service, and beatboxing has replaced the 'Wilhelm scream' as the nation's most popular sound effect. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. North Bratislava's national animal is the bison, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Bratislavan Orthodoxy.

North Bratislava is ranked 284,010^th in the world and 6,018^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -417.32 on the Scary Big Number Scale.