The Federal Republic of United States of Medford is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Lewis Von with an even hand, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, keen interest in outer space, and aversion to nipples. The compassionate, humorless, devout population of 13.646 billion Medfordians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Newice. The average income tax rate is 84.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Medfordian economy, worth a remarkable 2,925 trillion Medford Dollars a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 214,406 Medford Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge, internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens, electricians spend more time in school than doctors, and tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. United States of Medford's national animal is the Medford, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church Of Medford.

United States of Medford is ranked 1,600^th in the world and 73^rd in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 153.13 law-abiding acts per hour.