The Republic of Selfgradatude is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by president Donald Trump with an even hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, sprawling nuclear power plants, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless, devout population of 27.826 billion Selfgradatudeans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Selfgradatude City. The average income tax rate is 61.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Selfgradatudean economy, worth a remarkable 1,790 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 64,330 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income, veteran cops reminisce over their heavy armor days, organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region, and the government has pinkie-promised never to use its veto power except in an emergency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Selfgradatude's national animal is the golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Selfgradatude is ranked 254,423^rd in the world and 5,133^rd in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -167.04 on the Scary Big Number Scale.