The United Socialist States of Span is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by M Shobacus Maz with a fair hand, and remarkable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, compulsory vegetarianism, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 46.2 billion Spanners are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Maz. The average income tax rate is 95.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Spanner economy, worth an astonishing 14,145 trillion spannies a year, is highly specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 306,176 spannies, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Spies caught red-handed are served cocktails on their first-class flights home, teenagers sit around on their butts all day, the government thinks Spanners can achieve social cohesion by drinking soda together, and the comic book series 'M Shobacus Maz and the Villainous Corporate Cronies' is a best-seller. Crime is totally unknown. Span's national animal is the donkey, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Span is ranked 288,928^th in the world and 6,252^nd in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -588.24 on the Scary Big Number Scale.