The United Incorporated States of Laxoimia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Jonathan Bernhardt with an even hand, and remarkable for its public floggings, aversion to nipples, and national health service. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 12.64 billion Laxomese have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dellmoor. The average income tax rate is 76.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Laxoimian economy, worth a remarkable 2,853 trillion Laxoimia Dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 225,712 Laxoimia Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Hostage-takers offer loyalty scheme points for prompt payment, children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life, the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world, and government opponents tend to have their patents rejected immediately. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Laxoimia's national animal is the Laxoimia Flying Parrot Fish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Christianity.

Laxoimia is ranked 290,804^th in the world and 6,338^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -733.88 on the Scary Big Number Scale.