The Protectorate of Cobolica is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Fingle Dan with an even hand, and renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, pith helmet sales, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 5.467 billion Cobolicans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Citadel. The average income tax rate is 96.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Cobolican economy, worth a remarkable 1,216 trillion dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 222,599 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster, it is impossible to get any work done as auditors swarm every inch of government factories and mines, children have nightmares about the eerie red glow and constant whirring of newly-installed machines, and handling people's data is proving an immersive experience. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cobolica's national animal is the beaver, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Cobolica is ranked 291,910^th in the world and 6,395^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -910.64 on the Scary Big Number Scale.