The Federal Republic of United States of Medford is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President Lewis Von with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, humorless, devout population of 13.701 billion Medfordians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Newice. The average income tax rate is 86.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Medfordian economy, worth a remarkable 2,948 trillion Medford Dollars a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 215,223 Medford Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Physics lessons mostly involve talking about emotional management techniques, sections of the police receive paramilitary training, conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings, and many politicians are having to do a hard day's work for the first time in their careers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. United States of Medford's national animal is the Medford, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church Of Medford.

United States of Medford is ranked 290,547^th in the world and 6,333^rd in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -677.88 on the Scary Big Number Scale.