The Republic of Old Emporia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Elizabeth with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, keen interest in outer space, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 13.386 billion Old Emporians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The medium-sized, liberal government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Industry, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Rapture. The average income tax rate is 66.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Old Emporian economy, worth a remarkable 1,434 trillion dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 107,150 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten, unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police, Old Emporia's soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region, and RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. Crime is totally unknown. Old Emporia's national animal is the Crow, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Old Emporia is ranked 277,734^th in the world and 5,796^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -312.72 on the Scary Big Number Scale.