The Kingdom of PlanetMercury is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Freddie Mercury with an iron fist, and notable for its aversion to nipples, infamous sell-swords, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.982 billion PlanetMercuries are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kensington. The average income tax rate is 71.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient PlanetMercuryian economy, worth a remarkable 3,005 trillion pounds a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 334,585 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Ships are encouraged to deliberately run aground onto PlanetMercuryian beaches, extreme hiring regulations mean a job in PlanetMercury is often a lifetime appointment, government projects are full of waste, and libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PlanetMercury's national animal is the Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

PlanetMercury is ranked 292,780^th in the world and 6,428^th in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 19 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.